


My Bloody Valentine

by MysticMedusa



Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, Rare Pairings, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-18 18:11:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13687071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: A collection of shorts and dabbles for Valentine's Days





	1. Tony Stark/Avengers + Loki

Valentine ’s Day was supposed to be a romantic day where people confessed their feelings and lovers spent the day showering each other with affection and sweet gifts. A year after forming a wayward team of heroes, the avengers minus a certain genius had all had the same idea to confess their feelings.

Steve had bought a giant banquet of red roses, Natasha had reservations at a couple’s spa ready and waiting for a day she knew the genius wasn’t otherwise occupied, Clint bought a giant heart shaped box of chocolate, Thor had a box wrapped beautifully that contained jewelry, and Bruce had bought special coffee beans knowing the genius would appreciate it more than chocolate or flowers. The avengers all walked into the common room with their gifts eyeing each other.

“Who are the roses for?” Natasha asked Steve already knowing and well aware of Steve being her only real competition.

Steve eyed the pamphlet for the spa place with suspicion.

“You don’t seem like the spa type.” He commented.

“My friends, as interesting as your questions may be I seek the man of iron.” Thor alerted them to the fact he was and always had been direct and not one to beat around the bush. Natasha changed her first assessment of the situation, Thor was her only competition.

“So…we’re all looking to get into Tony’s pants for Valentine ’s Day?” Clint asked causing Bruce’s eyes to flash green for a moment.

“I’m looking for a lasting relationship, if you’re looking to get in his pants I suggest you start running now.”

They were all silent for a moment before at once they slowly put their gifts away safely before it was an all-out blood bath as they fought for the right to be the only one to present Tony with their gift.

                 

~

 

“Oh dear, are they dead?”

Tony was seeing the same thing Loki did. The supervillain god had decided to risk going into the tower full of heroes in order to be a proper gentleman and walk his date home.

“Fuck no! No one said Loki was in competition for Tony.” Clint said managing to have the energy to speak even with the dagger sticking out of his side.

“Brother you cannot have him, he’s mine!” Thor managed to boom even though he was collapsed on the ground with what looked like a few broken limbs.

“Tin man Hulk’s.” Hulk grumbled from where he was face down and trapped under Thor’s hammer looking to be in about the same condition as Thor.

“I’ll kill him if he so much as touched my Tony.” Natasha actually tried to stand up but Steve grabbed her ankle more out of reflect from whatever fight had happened earlier, it earned him a kick across the face and knocked out.

“Ok I have no idea what happened here but I’ve been painfully single for a while and so we decided to flip off this sickening holiday that reminds us that we’ll be alone forever. Loki isn’t romantically interested in me; he just let me indulge my need to shower someone with affection and gifts as well as my need to spoil people.”

“Indeed, you needn’t worry Thor I have no interest in his heart. I just let him take me to a most lovely restaurant, shower me with gifts, and offer all the compliments I rightly deserve yet never receive. Might I suggest you all decide to share him instead of killing each other?”

Loki offered a small respectable bow to Tony and thanked him for a lovely evening. When he turned the others were able to see the very expensive jewelry and watch he was sporting no doubt gifts from Tony.

Once he was gone Tony saw the gifts hidden away around the room that was a mess of broken furniture and blood. He was surprised no one had bled out already.

“Oh no one’s ever bought me flowers before. Roses are nice; oh I love this brand of chocolate!” He picked up the pamphlet from Natasha. “Nice choice, no wonder Pepper was checking my schedule. Oh coffee! Brucie it’s like you know me. What’s this?”

The avengers had all begun getting up except for Steve who was still knocked out and lying in a pool of his own blood. Tony’s eyes widened when he saw what was inside the box.

“Holy shit, what did I do to deserve you guys?”

“You are adorable.” Clint offered.

“And most gorgeous and radiant when you smile.” Thor said.

“You’re amazing.” Natasha put added.

“You’re not afraid of me and awesome.” Bruce added.

“Awe, I think you guys are awesome to. No one else would commit murder for me, or at least try to. Please tell me Steve’s not dead, I mean I have the money and means for us to go on the run if needed.”

“Awe you do care.” Clint cooed.

Tony winked at him.

“You know I’ve got you, commit murder or whatever crimes and I won’t care so long as you love me.”

“I knew you were perfect.” Natasha smiled.

“He’s still alive.” Bruce said having checked for a pulse.

“So does this mean you accept our affections?” Thor asked hopeful.

“Hell yeah, there’s enough of me to go around. No more trying to murder each other though, I need you all in one piece.”

 

~       

 

Next Valentine ’s Day found Tony dating the avengers and he had set up Loki with Dr. Stephen Strange who was sorcerer supreme. It was the most amazing hateship relationship Tony had ever seen as the two spit insults at each other, insulted the other’s magic, and fought almost constantly. Tony had never seen any couple have make up and hate sex so much, something he only knew about because he always walked in on it. It was almost cute how perfect they were for each other.


	2. Tony Stark/Logan/Wade Wilson

The avengers were gathered in the common room watching a movie when Friday paused it. They were confused as to why their group bonding was interrupted until the reason made itself known in the form of a gruff looking man with something tucked under his arm.

“Logan!” Tony cheered as he jumped up to greet the man.

“Hey don’t forget about me.” A mysterious voice cheerfully called out to Tony shocking the others.

“Who else is here?” Clint asked looking for the source of the voice.

Logan held up what he’d been carrying under his arm. He lifted the blanket that had covered it to reveal a severed head.

“What the hell?” Steve nearly screamed as he and several others jumped back.

“Awe is this going to be another Valentine ’s Day scavenger hunt?” Tony asked taking the head.

“You know me so well babe!” Cheered the head oddly happy for a talking head with no body.

“Just like two years ago.” Logan grumbled before he wandered off towards the kitchen.

“So who cut you up this time?”

Even with the head covered by a mask it was clear the head was rolling its eyes.

“Well handsome I was minding my own business.”

“Bullshit!” Came Logan’s reply.

“But I was!” the head whined.

“Wade, what happened?”

“So I was minding my own business and Hydra decides my healing factor is something to look into so they decide to be a bunch of assholes and try and capture me. I unalive a few of them, they shot me, I healed, and for whatever reason they decided they didn’t want my head.”

“I wonder why.” Logan sarcastically replied as he returned with a beer in hand.

“I take offense to that!” the head Wade replied in mock offense.

“Let’s go get your body before Hydra does anything weird to it.

“And then Valentine ’s Day blowjob?” Wade asked hopefully.

“After Logan’s blowjob because he was nice enough to bring your head back.”

“Awe no, blowjob for me first. I’m cuter and I actually got you a gift!”

“Is it the gift of spending today with both my boyfriends? Because that’s what Logan got me.” Tony said as he carried the pouting head with him.

Logan had a small smile on his face that was looking pretty smug. The others just stood there utterly confused by what the hell happened.

“S-should we help them…or stop them?” Sam asked.

“That was Wade Wilson also known as Deadpool and Logan who’s better known as Wolverine. I’m not touching that one with a fifty foot pole.” Natasha said returning her attention to the movie Friday started up again.


	3. Thor/Tony Stark + Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tony's kidnapped on Valentine's day by aliens Thor has no choice but to recruit his brother to help. To bad for him his brother knows about his crush on Tony and likes to mess with him

Kidnapped on the most romantic day of the year. Not even normal kidnapped, it was fucking aliens. Tony glared at the ugly ass aliens that dared take him from his home and his planet because apparently they wanted to piss off Thor. Tony sighed; he had no idea why they’d taken him. Last he checked Thor was still with Jane. Sure Tony was harboring a crush the size of the moon but he knew how to control himself.

He had already tried to figure out a way to escape but he knew he’d have problems if he did. One, he didn’t know how to fly their spaceship and two, he had no idea which way was earth. He sighed again which earned him a hit to the head. His vision blurred with the use of excessive strength. He was mere human against whatever the hell these things were.

When his vision cleared he heard the aliens screaming and panicking. Tony looked to see the alien that had hit him having his head splattered by the powerful strike of Mjolnir. He wanted to laugh knowing he was being rescued. He expected to see the avengers but instead he saw Thor fighting the enemy with Loki at his side. Last time he checked Loki was a villain.

“Man of iron, we’ve come to save you.”

Tony blinked up at Loki not believing him. The god just raised a brow at him.

“Usually when one is saved they offer a boon to show their gratitude.”

“Great what does the bag of cats want for saving my perfect ass?” He grumbled as he got up feeling his head still hurting from the earlier strike.

Loki grinned.

“Well I have heard in Midgard it is a day for lovers. Why not let me show proof that my manhood does not in fact have issues working?”

Wow he was still pissed about that comment during the invasion.

“Sure why not, how about a blowjob and we call it even? Just get me the hell off this planet and back home.”

“No!” Thor screamed at the same time Loki said, “Deal.”

Thor grabbed Tony and quickly wrapped his arms around him protectively.

“You cannot have him Loki. He is mine!” Thor practically growled at his younger brother.

“Wait what? What the hell? Is Valentine’s Day just like catnip for gods?”

“Oh Norns no, I simply wanted to piss off Thor and see if your mouth is good for more than insulting people.” Loki said with a mischievous smirk on his face.

“He will not be used to pleasure you brother. Anthony deserves to be treasured, not used.”

“Anthony? No one calls me Anthony. Wait what? Treasured? Since when do you like me? What about Jane? I’m confused.”

“Oh but brother, he already agreed.” Loki’s sharp grin held far too many teeth as he clearly worked to piss off Thor. “His mouth is mine before you get to even taste him.”

Tony was pulled from Thor’s arms as long fingers curled in his hair and forced his face close to Loki’s crotch.

“I shall have you keep your promise man of iron.”

Tony looked up at him about to comment on the fact he agreed once he was safe and home but a quick glanced showed the asshole had somehow teleported them back to his tower while he was distracted by the brothers arguing.

“Fine, I’m about to give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had. Don’t worry though, it’s only because I’ll be thinking of sucking Thor’s cock until he has nothing left to give.” He winked at Loki who glared before he freed Loki’s cock from his pants and sucked him down quickly.

Loki cursed as his fingers tightened in his hair as he tried to choke Tony with his cock. Thor made a pained sound seeing the target of his affections latched onto Loki. Tony had been crushing hard on Thor so he wiggled his ass towards the thunder god trying to get across that he was interested.

“Thor stop looking like I’ve stolen your lover. Just fuck him, you’re expression is ruining my enjoyment of his talented mouth.”

“Anthony..?” Thor asked uncertain.

“Fuck me Thor; you’re the only one I want.” Tony snapped when he pulled off Loki’s cock before he returned to get the promise over with.

Thor had him stripped and naked within seconds. Apparently Loki knew his brother well enough to have correctly made the taste comment because Tony nearly screamed when a tongue pierced his entrance. The moan that escaped him was enough to get Loki to finish.

“Now leave Loki, he is mine.” Thor said glaring at his younger brother.

“Fine Thor, do not expect my help again if this is how you act when I accept appropriate thanks for my aid.”

When Loki vanished Thor really began ravishing Tony. Besides giving a known super villain a blowjob in front of his brother, it was the best Valentine ’s Day he’d ever had.


	4. Tony Stark/Magneto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super villains have an odd way of asking heroes out

“Ok I’ll bite, what the shit is this?” Clint asked when the avengers arrived on scene where Fury had called them in.

“It’s disturbing is what it is.” Steve said looking at the giant metal monstrosity.

“Brother?” Thor asked confused when he spotted his younger brother bloody and beaten as he hung from where he was wrapped tightly by metal.

“Awe it’s actually romantic.” Tony said looking at the metal that was twisted together and formed to look like a banquet. Loki, Doom, Madame Hydra, Red Skull, Zemo, and the green goblin were bloody and unconscious as they acted like flowers in the metal bouquet.

“Like bloody roses.” Natasha muttered as he picked up the card left on the violent romantic gesture.

“Who is it for?” Sam asked as he and Bucky looked over her shoulder.

“It’s for Tony from Magneto.”    

“Wow really? Damn, well someone’s getting laid today.” Tony said smiling at the metal and villain bouquet.

“Tony no, he’s a villain.” Steve protested.

“He just delivered a good portion of our enemies and is the first person to ever give me any kind of flowers or romantic gift. That man is going to get the full Tony Stark is appreciative treatment. Try and stop me and so help me I will not save you from what my blue balls will make me do.”

Tony didn’t have to go far to find the metal manipulating mutant. He smiled at him as he offered his arm like a proper gentleman. Tony accepted and allowed the mutant to take him on a romantic date and gave him Valentine’s Day chocolates.  


	5. Tony Stark/Victor Creed

Tony hated Valentine’s day. Stupid romantic holiday that he always ended up alone on. Pepper had been gone for months now and he was feeling that familiar loneliness that reminded him he was probably going to end up dying alone. He had decided to spend the stupid holiday at a bar when he was attacked by a random group of mercenaries. No surprise there that someone wanted to kidnap him for whatever reason. He was just pissed off enough to not hold back as he fought them off.

He broke one guy’s nose, another guy’s arm, broke in a guy’s kneecap, and he might have heard a guy’s skull crack when he hit him and he hit the ground. Just because he fought in the iron man armor didn’t mean he couldn’t fight. He was managing until one decided to draw a gun while he was distracted with another guy. The sound of a gunshot alerted him to how fucked he had almost been as he turned to see the guy holding the gun so pale he looked like a ghost. A man towered over him a solid form of muscle and was growling like some kind of feral beast.

Next thing Tony knew the guy was on the ground with his throat ripped open and the others soon followed. The towering man looked down at him with amber eyes that seemed to glow in the moonlight.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…you’re fucking tall…and handsome…”

The man stared at him a moment before he held out his hand. Tony stared confused at it.

“I saved you; you should give me a reward.”

“You want me to pay you for saving me?”

“I’m a mercenary but trying to go straight, yeah I want you to pay me.”

Tony stared up at him with a raised brow.

“Trying to straight? Why don’t you get a regular job instead of saving handsome geniuses like me?”

The man lowered himself making Tony all the more aware of the height difference. The man was six foot six and looking at him closely he seemed more beast than man.

“I’m a six foot six mutant known as Sabretooth. No one wants to hire a guy like me.”

Tony could see the guy’s teeth definitely weren’t normal. Looking at his hands he saw they could be called claws better than anything else. Made sense, must be hard for a mutant like him to do more than be a mercenary.

“So you’re looking for a job. Could use a new bodyguard but I think I’d much prefer you agree to be my boyfriend.” He smirked up at the mutant who was caught off guard by the flirty tone.

“Can do both, been a while since I spent this stupid holiday with anyone.”

Tony yelped as the mutant picked him up with ease and flung him over his shoulder.

“What the hell?”

“Don’t worry; I won’t be too rough with you.” The man patted his ass in a way that promised that was a lie.

Tony shivered in anticipation.

“So what do I call you because it won’t be Sabretooth that I scream in the bedroom.”

A dark chuckle made Tony’s cock swell with interest.

“Victor Creed. I hope you know what you’re getting into.”

The answer was no, he didn’t know what he was getting into. The mutant was both the jealous type and possessive. Clint had side hugged him and nearly lost an arm and Rhodey nearly died when Tony called him Honey Bear. At least no more kidnappings happened; villains learned fairly quickly what happened when anyone messed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine's Day :)


End file.
